…Then I Broke His Fucking Nose

I’m a father now. I have a daughter. As I scan through Facebook and see all the “Me Too” statuses, you get to thinking. How do I best prepare my daughter for the real world.

Now, I have no idea what the world will be like 5, 10, or 15 years from now. But after almost a decade of doing self defense, one thing I have realized is that violence will always be here. There are no preventative measures or campaigns that will completely stop sexual assault, mass violence, armed robbery, home invasions, violent crime, etc… That’s just a fact. People will always seek power. Power comes from control over something/someone. So I don’t want to leave my daughters safety in the hands of others.

I certainly don’t take comfort in this fact, but it is our reality, and I’d rather prepare for reality, then fool myself to think otherwise.

Now, I can’t relate to a lot of the cat calling and verbal stuff personally. That’s not to say I haven’t experienced it before. I’ve been groped, fondled, and hit on by men and women both on more occasions than I can account. However, I am just not wired to care all that much either way. For girls, that can be very scary and demeaning. For most guys if another man hit on them, they freak out and puff their chest. For me, I just accept that one of the most innate desires in everyone is to mate. It’s primal. Keep it contained to words for the most part and I’m fine with it. As long as you don’t keep me from leaving, and stop after I tell you to, we’re good to go. I workout to make sure that ass is tight, I’m not going to hate on you for wanting to touch. Once.

However, I understand that, that isn’t normal for most people. But because I teach self defense for a living, I go back to self defense situations, which is what this is.

If someone makes an aggressive comment at a bar, the first thing I would tell my students is to ignore the person.

If they continue to talk shit and try to pick a fight, attempt to de-escalate the situation and promptly leave. Find another place to enjoy your night and remove yourself from a potentially bad situation.

If you can’t calm them down and they are attempting to stop you from leaving, then you begin going through the basic use of force paradigm. Begin by raising your voice and asserting that you want to leave and don’t want any issues.

If they don’t back down and you still can’t leave, then you begin hitting them. If they are stopping me from leaving and I have exhausted all means of nonphysical contact, then it’s time to go. And we suggest you hit first. The old adage “don’t be the first one to hit.” is built on school yard bully shit and getting in trouble with the principle. If you wait to get hit, you could be unconscious or dead. Hit first if needed!

If they continue to fight, then use as much for as is necessary to end the fight and get to safety.

So if we take this and apply it to these situations. If someone makes an asshole comment to you. Ignore them, remove yourself if you can.

If they continue to comment, and you cannot leave, assertively tell them to stop. Make direct eye contact and make them know you are not fucking around.

If they continue to harass you and stop you from leaving, as well as attempt to get physical, then your options now become Fight or Don’t Fight. Once we have hit this point, there is no more de-escalation to be had. They have you in what they feel is an inferior position, they feel they have power over you. That is when you fucking break them.

No it’s not easy. But do not fool yourself, we have now gone past unwanted sexual attention to rape/attempted rape. You must be willing and ready to fight. Remember what I said just yesterday in my blog post.

“You have to take a second right now and give yourself permission to fight back. Embrace the fact that sometimes violence IS the answer. And you are not about to let someone try to maim you, rape you, or kill you without one hell of a fucking fight.”

If you truly want to empower women and keep them safe, you have to teach them how to take care of themselves. Because no matter how many laws are in place and how well you think YOU can protect them. There will always be that one moment when you’re not there and the guy doesn’t give two fucks about the law. And in that moment, the only one that can help is them.

Ladies… this applies to you. I know this isn’t easy and I know I certainly cannot relate. But when push comes to shove, you are the only one that can care for yourself. In a society that shuns violence, we have forgotten that sometimes, violence IS the answer. And I would rather my daughter risk physical injury now, then years of psychological trauma.

I yearn for the day when the message is not just “Me too” but that it starts to turn to “Me too… then I broke his fucking nose!”

Now I am fully aware that this is not a popular approach, nor is it an easy one. I am also fully aware that I am making this opinion based on my personal life experiences and that will be completely different than someone else. But again, when you take “fighting back” off the table you take away a HUGE piece of survival.

If the first woman that Harvey tried to lock in his room and rape, had elbowed that motherfucker in the face, then stomped through his knee. Maybe we change the way captain dickhead operates on the regular.

And yes I know that most will say “well then he’ll sue her” or “but I would lose out on a million dollar contract” and “he’s so powerful, you just don’t understand.” I don’t give a shit how much power you have, your bones break the same as anyone else’s and you bleed red like the rest of us. Now If you’re willing to go through 10 old penises to get your millions of dollars, then that’s your choice, and more power to you. However, you made that choice. I’m talking about the women who thought they didn’t have a choice. If you believe that your own sanctity is more important than fancy cars or a lawsuit. Then keep in mind that you can fuck someone up royally if you just embrace violence!

It has to be an option.

My daughter will train. She will be loved. She will be told she is amazing. She will be hugged and cherished and built up with confidence. And she will train. Because fighting back has to be an option.

Stay safe, train hard, one love.

-aaron